How to transform Anger?

It is very easy to control; it is very difficult to transform. You can control you anger, but what will you do? You will suppress it. And what happens when you suppress a certain thing? The direction of its movement changes. It was going out, and when you suppress it, it starts going in. Its direction changes. And for anger to go out was good, because the poison needs to be thrown out. It is bad for the anger to move within, because that means your whole body-mind structure will be poisoned by it. And then if you continue to do for a long time as everybody has been doing - not transforming but controlling your anger - all the negative things get buried deeper and deeper into the unconscious, and then they remain constantly within you. Finally the anger stays with you and you remain so, always.

A low-grade depression may occur in people who do not face up to their anger, and turn it inward instead. "Low-grade depression is found more often in women than in men," says Dr. Brooks. "Some women may feel powerless at times, but instead of getting it out, they get depressed. As a result, they may constantly feel tired or have a chronic 'headachy' feeling". People must re-train themselves to accept anger as a normal emotion and deal with it accordingly. "Expressing anger is necessary for good health, but it doesn't mean a brick over the head. That action only brings retaliation and guilt. Anger is a normal emotion that is a result of our genetics, upbringing, and cultural patterns. The biggest problem we face is learning how to discharge it in a manner that is both acceptable in society and healthy for the self" because the society teaches control, not transformation. 

Frederic Flach, M.D., associated clinical professor of Psychiatry at Cornell University Medical College in New York, believes that parents must have an open attitude towards their children's anger. "If your six-year old gets mad and you say, 'if you do that again, you're really going to get it', that only compounds the problem,". Instead you might say, 'You're mad. Ok, just get over it' or, 'you're mad. Why are you angry?' Understanding why they feel a certain way about a particular act and, perhaps even more important, why the act was committed in the first place helps to resolve the anger at its deepest level. 

Dr. Carol Tavris narrates an interesting study on children in grade three who were given one of three methods to deal with personal frustration caused by an action of another child. Some were permitted to talk out their feelings, others were allowed to play with guns as a way of acting out their anger, and still others were offered reasonable explanations for the action that caused their anger. Which method offered the most effective emotional relief? "Not talking about it…. Talking out an emotion doesn't reduce it; it rehearses it. Not playing with guns; that made them more hostile and aggressive as well. The most successful way of dispelling their anger was to understand why their classmate had behaved as he or she did: she was sleepy, upset, not feeling well", of course, of this lesson is as valuable for adults as it is for children. Once we understand the motive behind an aggressive action, we can better come to terms with our feelings. But in order to get to that point, we must first be willing to confront our true feelings and discuss them openly in a manner that's likely to bring about a satisfying resolution. "The purpose of anger is to make a grievance known". And if the grievance is not confronted, it will not matter whether the anger is kept in, let out or wrapped in red ribbons and dropped in the Eric canal". 

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