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Continued from yesterday’s instalment
 ‘Is he confronted by the multitudes of ogre forces in this darkness and has he started his battle against them right now and is that why it is taking such a long time for him to return with water? Fetching water is not such a big job for him to justify this delay. Is he in danger?’ Rama’s mind ran riots that day in the darkness of the jungle, left alone and in anguish caused by earlier events, intensified by the present one. ‘Or is it that Ravana has once again come back?
‘nanjin kodiyaan nadalaith thozhilaal thunjutrananO vidhiyin thuNivaal?’ Has he tricked him and has Lakshmana by the force of fate died?
When such a thought crosses his mind, even Rama is destabilised. ‘I am in darkness,’ he says, meaning not the outward darkness.
‘uNdaagiya kaar iruLodu oruvEn kaNdhaan ayal vEru kaN ilanaal.’ In this stygian darkness that engulfs (my mind) it is he who is my eye and I don’t have an eye without him.
‘puN thaan urum nenjodu puzhungugirEn.’ I am already hurt and bleeding in my heart.
‘eN thaan ilen.’ I am unable to think (of a possible cause or way of reaching him).
‘enganam naadugenO?’ How am I going to search him and get him back!
‘It was he who soothed my heart, supported me and showed me the path in this difficult time. What am I going to do without him?’ First, I went in search of the deer. As a consequence,
‘pon thOdu ivargindra polan kuzhayaal than thEdi irundhu thayangiduvEn’ I was pushed into searching for my dear Sita with a sunken heart.
‘nin thEdi vandha nirappinayO en thEdinai!’ And now you have put me in a situation O Lakshmana that I have to look for you as well, bearing this pain all alone.
‘indrE iraavaadhu ozhiyEn.’ I shall do nothing but to give up my life right this day.
‘emarO pondradhu ozhiyaar.’ (And if I die here) all our kith and kin would only follow me, who followed you, Lakshmana. In one stroke, you have killed all of us Lakshmana,
‘kodiyaai,’ O hard-hearted! That last expression
‘kodiyaai,’ is suffused with affection, personal loss and utter helplessness.
 At that moment all the service that Lakshmana rendered rushed in his mind and he is swept by emotions.
‘kamayaaLodum en uyir kaavalil nindru,’ Protecting the very embodiment of patience (Sita) and my life,
‘imayaadhavan,’ he who did not bat a wink (never slept)
‘iththuNai thaazhvurumO’ would (he not think of my loneliness and) delay this long a time? I am afraid that it does not augur well.
When Rama almost concludes that Lakshmana is lost to him forever, he vows
‘aRap paal uLadhEl,’ if Dharma is strong and would sustain,
‘avan munnavanaaip piRappaan uRil vandhu piRakka,’ (in our next incarnation) let him be born as my elder brother. I would render all the service that he did to me now and pay this debt back. So saying,
‘maRappal vadi vaaL kodu,’ Rama unsheathed his sword
‘man uyiraith thuRappan urugindra thodarichiyin vaai…’ and raised it up as to kill himself. It was exactly at that time that Lakshmana severed the limbs of Ayomukhi, making her wail loudly, stopping him from the act that he was about to venture into. Tears fill my eyes as I write this.
And we all know the truth of the above vow of Rama. In His next incarnation as Krishna, Lakshmana the
Sesh Naag was born as Balarama, his elder brother. And that relationship is extremely beautiful, which the Mahabaratha and the Bagavatha Purana speak elaborately.
More follows...
Published on 25th March 2002
Hari Krishnan
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